Whether you like it or not, as a man of African descent, you need to accept the fact that relationship is not what it used to be in the times of our forefathers. Here are the ways you can tell if you are the cause of the problem in your marriage.
1. Appearance
A 21st century African lady cares much more about her appearance. That is why you would find make-up kits in their handbags. They are inclined to displaying their "assets", though not entirely, when they are married. It makes them feel good when a man glances back at them and drool. It boosts their self-esteem and they want to gist their husband about it, so he wouldn't take them for granted. They want to tell him how a man has stared at them till he stumbled into a roadside drainage.
A way to say "Hey, Mr man, just count yourself lucky for having me all to yourself."
The 21st century women are influenced by their role models; the sophisticated female artistes, the models, and actresses, who, irrespective of their marital statuses, dress to "kill". Unlike the historical African women, western culture has prevailed over the African culture. Some men restrict their women's provocative dressings to the confinement of their homes, except in cases they are going out together. It might strike some conflicts, except of course if the woman is our "Sister" in the Lord.
As an African man, you have to adjust to this trend. All you need is build some trusts with your woman. Even some modest or religious dressers hide behind the cloak of decency to fornicate. Don't confuse modesty for faithfulness.
2. Career
As a man, it is advisable you don't share in the archaic belief or slogan that a woman only belongs to the kitchen and "zi-oza room." Haha. It is an insult to the 21st century women. This is an era when women want to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with men in every endeavour of life. Women don't want to be subjected to the task of caring for children and domestic chores alone; they have big dreams just like you. A dream to become great and be adored like those larger than life figures they see on TV screen and international magazines. A typical 21st century woman want to be independent. They want to be highly educated like their man. So don't make the mistake of caging a 21st century woman like a goat. Modern women generally want to convince the world that what a man can do they can outdo it, which is very close to reality now. Women are of course making waves in political arena. You can check here for some list of great women leaders.
3. Jealousy/insecurity.
The 21st century African women are equally jealous as the historical women. But advancement in technology makes the modern woman become more alert. Don't take up an offence when she scrolls through your mobile phone if you want peace to reign. Women don't really feel secure anymore (men are worse but wouldn't admit) because they know what is happening in the age of internet. People steal your heart at a glimpse with the exhibition of mouth-watering "assets" on social media. Some 21st century women would check the profile of a handsome dude on social media and shoot their shots without hesitation. The women, few of them, knows better than to get close to their man's mobile phone to avoid a heart attack. As a man, tell your woman something sweet like:
"Omolola, you are the best thing that ever happens to me."
Tell her that any intimate conversation she ever encounters between you and other women on your phone is you catching fun and "nothing" more. Tell her that no one can take her place, even if you are surrounded by a million women. After all, you can't do without chatting up an opposite sex. It would make her feel secure at least. A woman likes to be placed so high or prioritized. So do just that and mean it!
4. Love-making
A 21st century woman has gone wild when it comes to love making. They are bored with old styles. The "world" itself is getting bored and so it spins surprises at us, like rain falling at abnormal period of the year, same applicable to other climates. Women don't want a man that pounces on them like a chicken and gets off as quickly. That's very selfish.
Ancient African woman were only accustomed to one love-making style. A man on top, missionary, which in fact symbolized the supremacy of a man over their women in African society. Now, women aspire to dominate, just like they do in their various careers. They want to be on top. If an ancient African woman had suggested this style to her man, she would be labelled a prostitute. Most significantly, a modern woman's body needs to be worshipped, from the tip of her toes to her crotch, up to her torso. Let her spirit lift and travel uphill. Learn to know her "alarm bottons". Let the fountain flow from her spring and show that you value her body. Kiss her "downside lips" as much as you would her normal lips. Do it passionately. Explore. Make love anywhere in the house, in the kitchen, against the wall, use the floor, the stair case, the bathroom. Let it be fun that it is. With this, a modern woman would think twice before divorcing you in any circumstances.
5. Gisting and catching fun
A 21st century woman don't want a man who only smiles when he wants to make love. They want to rub minds with you and air their grievances. They want to gist you about their interests. Don't be a dragon of a husband whose presence would make a wife and children recoil like frightened cats.
Women want to gossip with you about anything. Most amiable couples are gossipers in nature. Funny, isn't? Most women now wants a man that can play with them like kids do, which was considered insane in ancient African society. Only a few couple did that in the confinement of their chambers in those days. The modern women want their hubbies to sneak up on them from behind in the kitchen and tickle them or grab their waists; pillow fights etc.
Modern women have always dreamt to play the perfect love role they watch on Hollywood and Bollywood movies. They especially envy the European way of life, which has come to stay. If a man can spare his time for this, his marriage is bound to last forever. Take your woman out, like you always did during your courtship.
6. Ego
At the beginning, you must have let her learn your likes and dislikes. You can reproach her gently whenever she oversteps that boundary. Let her know that no one is perfect, but she has to be apologetic. Some modern women have bloated egos. So this is a way to curtail it. You just need to admit to your own mistakes as well. Respect her. The submission would come naturally. Reciprocate the "sorry" language. It shows that you care about each other's feelings. We were all raised in different homes, from different backgrounds. Learn to deal with her demon, for every woman has their natural demon.
7. The financial aspect
A 21st century woman don't want a man that always hides his financial status. Be open sometimes even if you are secretive. They don't want a man who imposes it on them to pay their children's school fees just because they are well paid at their workplace. If she must take such responsibility, it should be a voluntary act or when the husband is financially incapable. They want a man who knows his right/responsibility in the house. They want you to indulge them with gifts if you are a rich husband. Most of them are fashion freaks. They want jewelry and the new shoes they have come across on fashion mags. As a man, you need to take them out for shopping. Surprise them. Every woman likes surprises, no matter how little the gift. Most 21st century women get fretful or impatient when you are financially down. If you are qualified in the item 4 (Love-making) a woman would still endure.
8. Privacy/breathing space
Everyone needs a time alone. As a husband you need to understand your woman. Don't force yourself on her when she doesn't feel like playing with you or having intercourse with you. Just give her some time. It may take some hours, sometimes a whole day. She may be moody. We all have things that suddenly turn us to a calm pool of water. Sometimes it's our spirit that just demands the distance, not out body. That is why we are humans. Though, this state of mind and soul is always mistaken for a kind of irritation or quarrel against the other person.
Thanks for taking your time to read through. May we all have a happy and fulfilling home. You are free to share your views. Follow on tweeter @Tokst_ar
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